Living into a de-armoured heart

Living into a de-armoured heart.

Traumatic or disruptive life experiences impact our nervous system in ways that we become either hyperaroused (fight or flight) or hypoaroused (freeze, fawn or dissociate). Such experiences can lead us to armour ourselves against taking the risk to feel intimacy with ourselves and another.  We then tend to isolate ourselves (withdraw) from others or express our surpressed feelings in unhealthy ways.  Armouring leads to stuckness of energy in our bodies.  If we armour for too long, our bodies act out, emotionally or physically.  We may get sick or fall into depression.

Being in a relationship where there is too much drama and anxiety, can be addictive.  The toxic ‘high’ caused by a partner’s emotional or physical instability, immaturity, or trauma can ironically feel familiar, especially if you have been raised in a home where there was a lot of drama and angst.  To feel pain is then more familiar than to feel pleasure.  The sympathic nervous system is continiously in frantic mode and the body finds it difficult to switch into a parasympathic state.  This is understandable.  The body keeps the score.

To de-armour you must give yourself permission to feel all your feelings (sadness, anger, fear, rejection and more) in your body and try to identify the feelings – put words to them.  You can move your body consciously so that the stuck energy can be released.  You can consciously dance your feelings where you feel safe and nourished.   It is also important that you reflect on your view of life –Is life out to get me? Am I the victim?  Is life intrinsically good? Am I in control of how I react to situations? Can I make choices?  Does my view of life open me up to live more intimately with life?  What do I really, really, really want?

I think the greatest fear is to come to the end of one’s life and feel that you have not felt all of life pulse through you. To be alive is to feel, consciously.  To live with an armoured heart blocks the flow of feeling all of life. 

When you are in a relationship where you are seen, respected and all your feelings welcomed, you can connect on a deep level with yourself and the other.  You can show up more de-armoured.  If you are in a relationship where you are abused, mistreated, dominated or dismissed, you need your armour to survive.  But your life energy is then blocked and creativity and spontanaity can’t flow through you.

It takes tremendous courage to walk into the fire of intimacy with life with your heart wide open.  It does not happen overnight. It can take many back and forth steps.  It can take a radical leap of faith!

Your life force energy will always pull you to live more de-armoured so that you can keep opening wide into feeling all of life.  Keep opening your heart to it’s pull. 

Live your deep YES!